Depseration
by Ranma Saotome
Summary: An evening in the Katsuragi household, yet not a happy one


All apologies to GAiNAX. Don't sue me. I am poor. Very poor. I don't need anymore debt. Please. I beg. I pray. This slipped out. ------------------------------------------------------ 

Desperation by ranma (Someone as sad as Shinji himself) danw@technet2000.com.au or http://www.seele.tsx.org 

------------------------------------------------------ 

*Clarification* (RS) is real Shinji. (AS) is the alternate Shinji that lives in the traincar of his mind. 

**** 

Shinji appologized. When all else fails for Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 1, he appologizes and doesn't make a scene. 

But Asuka wanted to. 

"What is wrong with you Third Child? Why are you such a pervert? I saw you peeping in my room while I was changing." 

"Sorry." 

"What? You admit it? What a PERVERT." Asuka fumed away, muttering 'anta baka' and the like. 

Shinji sighed. 

Shinji smirked. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Shinji had peeped at Asuka getting changed. And he had gotten away with it. He was damn proud. 

'But why?' he kept asking himself in his mind over and over again. What was it about her? Why had he done that? 

"Out of desperation." he said, answering himself. 

And, we take a trip into the traincar of Shinji's mind. 

**** 

(AS) "Why did you do it? What desperation drove you to look at her getting changed?" 

(RS) "I don't know, I don't know anything anymore." 

(AS) "Well there is a reason for everything in life, so why did you do it?" 

(RS) "I said I DON'T KNOW!!" 

(AS) "Do you love her?" 

(RS) "NO, I mean, I don't know. Help me, someone. I can't do this by myself." 

(AS) "But there is noone else." 

**** 

Asuka stood infront of Shinji. 

Asuka waved her hand over his eyes. 

"Hello? Baka Shinji, anyone home?" 

She sighed and stormed off to her room. As Asuka entered her room, she looked around and sighed. Yes, she was in the same room as she was last night, and the night before, and the night before that. 

"What I need is, is a change." she said to herself. 

She heard some rustling outside. She thought that Ikari must have woken up. Why did he just go out of it like that? 

Asuka didn't know, and it intruiged her. 

She sat down. What were her feelings for Ikari? She definitly didn't dislike him as much as she said she did. Something dawned of Asuka. 

He is my best friend. 

Or more? 

**** 

Shinji sighed. It seemed like all he ever did was sigh. It showed how dissapointed in life he was. 

He liked Asuka. 

He loved Asuka. 

Shinji nearly passed out at this idea. Why? Why did he love Asuka? 

She isn't exactly the most friendly type towards Shinji, hell, most of the time she acts as if she hated to be around him. 

Then why? 

**** 

The traincar again. 

(AS) "Why?" 

(RS) "I don't know." 

(AS) "If you do love her, why are you so sad?" 

(RS) "Because she will never see me in that way. I know it." 

(AS) "That is all in your imagination. Never trust your imagination, and its apparitions. 

(RS) "Then what are you? Does that mean that I shouldn't trust you? 

(AS) ....... *facefault* 

(Author's note: Well, no more of this scene.) 

**** 

No, I love him as a friend. 

*** 

Shinji frowned. 

"I might as well try." Shinji decided. 

He walked into Asuka's room, very, very nervous. His palms were sweating, his heart race quickened. 

"Asu...ka" Shinji stammered. 

"What?" 

"I was...well...wondering if you...want to... go out...um...with me?" 

Asuka facefaulted. I mean jaw hit the floor, (and fell through the floors all the way to the liquor stores a few storeys down) 

She got up and measured Shinji up. 

She walked over to Shinji. 

She gave Shinji a hug, and said 

"Shinji, I love you, but not that much, OK?" 

"Uhhh, ok." 

Shinji managed to get out of the room as quick as possible and ran to his room, and cried. 

Never had he felt this bad. 

********************************************** 

Epilouge: 

A few days later Shinji saw Asuka hanging around some of the guys in the higher grades. She was enjoying herself. He looked on as they all apeared to hit on her at once. And she was LOVING it. 

The love that Shinji had for Asuka was growing so much over those days. He never knew he loved her so much. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

She seemed to prefer the guys in the higher grade. 

The day after the bomb hit. One of the guys leant over and kissed Asuka. That did it for Shinji. He only saw it for a second, and then ran all the way home. 

He ran into Asuka's room, franctically searching for something, and found a small black book. 

"Asuka's Diary: 

Today: Ikari is still unsure about me. I love him. As a friend. Nothing more. I like the other..." 

Thats all Shinji needed to read. With tears in his eyes he ran to Misato's bedroom. and searching through his draws, came upon his saviour. 

It was black. 

It was smooth. 

It has a glint of metal. 

It would serve the purpose it was given. 

Shinji looked at the object. 

He pointed it at his head. 

"Position target in the center," he said, "Pull the swi.." 

And Ikari lived no longer. 

He remained on Misato's bed, covered in blood, until Asuka came home. She was furios as she came in the door. The guy that had kissed her was such a BAKA. She didn't want him. She relized who she wanted. 

Shinji. 

She was wrong. She loved him for who he was with a fiery red passion. 

She went searching for him in the apartment. She looked in Misato's room last. 

A part of her died inside. 

There was Shinji, her Shinji, lying dead on the bed. 

Asuka ran into her room, to write in her diary. 

"Asuka's Diary: 

He is gone. The one who I want to become one with. He took his own life. What will I do know? I love him so much, with all my heart. I will join him" 

With that, she went back into Misato's bedroom, and sat next to her Shinji. She raised the gun. 

In a few seconds, Asuka was dead aswell, to join with Shinji. 

********************************************************* ********* END END END END END END END END END ********** ********************************************************* 

Well. 

Um. 

They aren't fully in character are they? 

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just kinda ended up like this. I don't really plan. 

These things just happen. 

Ok now people, talk a nice deep breath, a valium, and maybe a viagra, and go to bed. 

I know I am going to. 

Nothing beats a calm erection. I mean NOTHING!!!!! 

ranma WEBPAGE: http://www.seele.tsx.org E-MAIL: danw@technet2000.com.au IRC: skybytes.oz.org #Nerv 


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